Hi guys, the decision to write this article was due to something that happened to me weeks ago. Here is my story
On a funny Saturday, I woke up late after a swell time in dreamland. Smiling as I got up from my bed, I tweeted “today is going to be a great day”. Said my prayers, did my chores and decided to do some tweeting. I was dumbfounded when I saw my TL that My EX has flooded my twitter timeline with pictures and a lot of congratulations retweets. Confused, I was like it is not her birthday, why is everyone congratulating her? I decided to check her TL, checking her TL I saw picture of a guy a little bit older kneeing down with a small red box in his hand in the middle of a restaurant, my inner mind said to me ‘there is a ring in that box’ I don’t wanna believe so I kept checking and I discovered that the fiancée just proposed to her. All of a sudden hatred sprung out in my heart and I detest her; my mood changed and everything turned black. I decided to take it to the head and check her BBM status, Instagram and Facebook updates, after seeing all, I nodded and went into my room to sulk for a while.*LOL* What surprised me was I did not understand was why I was feeling so much hatred towards her, it was creepy coz the relationship ended four years ago. I hated myself for been unhappy and feeling that way towards her.
After sulking for hours, I decided to do something about it, picking up a novel after 20mins I could not tell if it was the novel that was reading me or the other way round. I decided to talk to a friend but she too was not helping, picked a movie but that too did not help. I went into dad’s room to check for his Christian books. After minutes of checking, I saw a book titled SPICING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP BY IAN WOODS. Opening it I was like ‘what is this?’ I opened to the last page then I saw this ‘for questions, help and donations contact Dr Woods on ……’ Well what have I got to lose, I picked up my PC and typed for about 30mins, pouring out my heart, my anger, my pain and frustration into that mail as if I was talking to Dr Woods himself right in front of me. Hitting the send button I waited for hours but could not get a reply, I felt so down. I decided to watch football but as expected that too did not help. I got tired of waiting and I said ‘WTH!!! DOC WOODS CAN GO AND DIE FOR ALL I CARE *HISS*’
Waking up on Sunday morning, I felt this inner weakness, like I have been carrying so much hatred and am tired of it. Checking my phone I saw that Dr Woods had replied my mail, reading the mail I was surprised. This is what he said
“Ife,

I am on a book tour at the moment so I will make this quick, i am glad you mailed me; your mail is the first mail I am getting from Africa.

Ife I feel a lot of hatred in your mail, know this YOUR EX IS NOT YOUR ENEMY, you are just jealous of her progress and happiness, that makes you a bad person, that is a very horrible and selfish way to live your life. You need to stop seeing her as your enemy. Be happy for her and move on; stop living in the past. If you love her enough, you will want her to be happy. Move on and find that special one for you too.

This little words should do for now, you can get the steps to move on in my book LEAVING THE PAST BEHIND. Don’t do anything irrational, life is too short to be living in anger and bitterness, live your life to the fullest.

Ian woods”

Those words stung me and made me hurt, the words ‘your ex is not your enemy, you are just jealous of her happiness, that makes you a bad person that is a very horrible and selfish way to live your life’ keeps ringing in my head. Throughout church service, I felt like a bad person who deserves not to be in the house of God. I asked for forgiveness right there and promised myself to start working on my flaws.
I decided to do a self-therapy for me, I picked up a pen and wrote down ways to get over your ex without making them your enemy, after which I tried some of them for weeks and trust me it worked. I decided to write this article on Tuesday because these ways have helped me a lot.
According to research 54% of breakups ends in involved parties not talking to themselves again, 40% ends up being just hi mates while only 6% remains cordial and close friends. I know some ex(s) are jerks but common why not forgive them and move on, why not be happy for them and solicit to God for your own happiness. If you remove the hate you feel towards them; you will discover that they are really the person you fell in love with then. I used to hate one of my ex(s), I would diss her on ‘em social network and all but recently I discovered that doing these things is just like living in the past, it is like me hurting someone who has showed me so much love in the past; one who had once cared for me. The irony of it all is after doing the whole diss thing and all, I end up being mushy and all. In the end, I am hurting me.
The following points are not all for you, just pick the ones good for you and work on them.

1. Stop Sulking: – Stop blaming yourself for what happened between you guys, stop taking the fall for why you guys did not work out. He/she messed up too, you both messed up so stop feeling sorry for you and move on. Life is too short, remember Y.O.L.O.

2. Get Your Ex Off That Pedestal: – Stop seeing your ex and the best person ever, stop seeing her/him as God’s greatest gift to mankind because he/she is not. He/she is just a normal person like everybody else

3. Avoid Her Friends And Hangout Locations: – Stop hanging out in the spots she/he does hangout, avoid her friends and all that brings her back to your mind.

4. Put Away Everything That Juggles Back Memories: – A while ago, a friend of mine counted my ex pictures on my phone, laptop and in my room, she counted 97. She screamed and said “Ife this is why it is hard for you to move on after 3 years”. You can rearrange your room, if you ex is always sitting on a chair and the sight of that chair brings memories. Let go of the chair or rearrange the room to make it seem like that chair never existed. Trust me, rearranging your apartment works a lot. I mean it works always. Give their gifts or belongings left at your apartment out to charity.

5. Go On A Vacation: – Travel, meet new people, mix and mingle. This will help in easing them out of your brain. Exercise works too

6. Talk To Your Family: – Forget Ian Woods and all, my big sister and baby brother are the best relationship advisers in the whole world, these two know the real me and they are versed in handling my problems. Talk to your family, they help a lot.

7. Stop Stalking Them: – No Timeline stalking, no sappy texts, no gifts and no midnight awkward calls. Be a man, even if you are a lady BE A MAN!!!!

8. Forgive Your Ex:- Pick a sheet of paper, write down all the wrong things he/her had done to you, then start forgiving them one at a time. After you have successful forgiven one then rule it out with a pen and pick another. This can go on for weeks but trust me u can handle it. Know this you are a strong person and nothing is too strong for you to overcome. Give them a call once in a while to see if you are making progress, study how you feel after the call, then you will know if you are making progress.

9. Pray For Your Ex: – When my baby bro saw this point he was like WTH!!! Pray for your ex pfffft!!! I know the same thing is going on in your mind right now, but trust me, this helps a lot. It is like a hate check for you. Once a week go on your knees and say a prayer for your ex, no matter how short, it helps ease the pain a lot. After doing this you will feel liberated, trust me I always feel relieved after doing this.

10. Seek For Divine Intervention:- seek divine help from God, when you seek this supernatural help, Two things happen

• A supernatural being and power is helping you forgive your ex.
• Your mind will program itself to believe you are not alone in your fight, it will want to do its best because you are not alone in your cause and that with the divine assistance, success is guaranteed to your quest

11. Have Sex With Someone Else: – I don’t wanna add this before but it was suggested by my friend and she will hate me if I don’t put it on here. She said have sex with another person and make sure the sex is gooooood, coz when the sex is good, your ex will fade away easily.

That is it guys, love should never become hatred. At the moment I love my ex(s) on a platonic level and I wish them all goodies of life. After doing that I feel so free, no hate in my head, mind, body and soul anymore.

TIP: – Make sure your next is better than your ex, don’t you ever settle for less!!! Trust me I will never settle for less

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